Howdy I'm Pixel!

Now 12

This "now" page was inspired by Derek Sivers and Anish Lakhwara. Find others right now.

Howdy folx!

I've volunteering for Community Repair Events, community farms, and other events that align with my values in interests where I can give back to my community. I believe that I find the most hope where I am able to engage in collective action toward making the world a better place, starting with where I am right now, both the human and non-human beings around me that I have the most direct impact on, in solidarity with similar efforts happening across the world. I enjoy being to be a volunteer because I'm able to lean into a side of myself that I like and engage in a way I might not get to if I went to the event alone as an attendee.

I've been trying new looks, particularly ones I've pondered for myself but never took action on, wearing a fake nose piercing and occasionally wearing black lipstick. Though it's a bit inconvenient that the lipstick I bought, while with good reviews, comes off too easily when I eat, and that's often inevitable when I go out because I am a foodie. For awhile, I've been very frustrated with my hair, which along with my voice, aren't necessarily things I inherently dislike about myself, but find myself often being mistreated as a result. Recently, I've come to a new understanding that I'd like to grow my hair out down to my tailbone, before deciding to dye it, which I've never done before, and perhaps cutting it all off again. I have more time to think about changing my appearance in these small ways, because in general, I rarely get dressed. Fashion has always been an important part of expressing myself, so these are easy, low-hanging fruit, to add personality in my style. I still use the "Acloset" app to log what I wear every day so I can get a better sense of my clothing usage.

Recently, I got my first flat tire. I'd never had to call for emergency roadside assistance or buy a new tire before, so that was a new milestone in terms of my car ownership. I'm pretty thankful that I've never crashed my car, and considering I've been driving more than I ever have in my life, aside from getting a flat tire in a relatively safe place, I've not had to many pressing issues. I don't enjoy the ethics of having a car, though it's sort of what I'm stuck with for the time being. In the meantime, it's allowed me to go on some really nice adventures, driving interstate for the first time, so I appreciate for that much. It bodes well to a life of independence, and I've found myself in a solitary place for better of for worse.

I've been drawing more again. Thankfully, I just have more requests to do. The requests are a good way to stay motivated. Sometimes I struggle to find the time to work on the next piece, but it's helpful to at least have a reference for what I need to work on next. My 奶奶 had no idea that I did art, and surprisingly, she was very supportive and impressed by it. It was nice because honestly, I am very used to my art being seen as not worth the time I spend on it, and not being very good considering I'm utilizing a skillset of being self-taught and learning techniques by trial and error rather than with much intention.

I've been reading more manga, primarily working on things I started but never finished, but finally get to finish. I'm still watching anime here and there, but certainly not nearly as much as how much I did over the summer. Part of why my anime got switched up was because I decided to watch some shows friends recommended, including my first German show, "Dark", and my first K-Dramas, "The Glory" and "The Good Bad Mother". Both were pretty good and gave me something to talk about with my friends. I struggle to find common interests with them sometimes and I want them to know that I care about learning more about them, even if it takes me out of my comfort zones. I've also been trying to watch more Asian diaspora media, something I always come back to. There's been some fun stuff there, like I surprisingly really liked "Beef" and found a Chinese New Zealand show called "Homebound 3.0" that I think is a little underrated. On the other hand, there's a lot of shows in the Asian disaporic media space that falls into a certain flavor of millennial raunchy comedy that I find I don't really enjoy or relate to.

I've been listening to audiobooks on Libby, where I fill the void in waiting for the podcasts I enjoy the most to post new episodes. There's many books out there that I'd like to get around to, though they don't always have good audiobooks. While I'm quite picky about the quality of narration from an audiobook, I think it's more worth my time there than to keep binging random fiction podcasts with mid-tier quality that i don't really enjoy to fill my audio space. I really enjoyed the books "Strange Beasts of China", "The Measure", "Crying in H Mart" and I'm about to finish a book by my internet friend "I Feed Her to the Beast and the Beast is Me".

I've still been pretty good about going to the gym near daily, except for the days where life just happens and I don't get around to it. I'll usually be listening to something when I go, or reading manga while on the elliptical. I'd watch more shows while exercising, but it's hard to read the captions and I don't have ad blockers for all the sites I use. I definitely feel myself becoming stronger, which is nice. It's a good activity to distract myself for awhile and show some care to my body that I never really did in the past.

My mental health has been up and down. There's been some tough things happening and I'm trying my best to work through them. Overall, I think I'm doing better than I have in the past at listening to my emotions. Still, the healthcare system for both physical and mental health has been doing be a disservice. It's nice at least, to have the space to work on it more, even when it gets disheartening to be failed over and over again by a system that's supposed to take care of us, but isn't really designed to do so.